Traditions of the Tajima Household: Rewrite
by notstraight
Summary: My sophomore year of high school I wrote a semi-popular fanfiction of our favorite baseball boys. After re-reading it and cringing myself into a raisin, I decided to rewrite the story with a lot more realism and none of the cringe. This is posted on a different account because I forgot my password. What does Tajima have in store for his friends? Rated T for teenage potty mouths.


"Abe!"

Before he could even think to react, Nishiura's catcher felt the weight of Yuuichirou Tajima land on his back, full fucking force. After stumbling around trying to not only regain his balance, but shake off the third baseman's limbs from around his shoulders and hips, he succumbed to his exhaustion. He wheezed.

"Tajima," he panted, "get the hell off of me, asshat!"

The cleanup batter ignored him, gripping Abe tighter by squeezing his arms and legs. "I'll let go soon. But first, I got a question for ya! My family is going out of town for my birthday on the weekend, and I'm having the team over on Friday night! You in?"

As he said this the smaller boy began to slowly slide down Abe's back, to which the catcher instinctively bounced him back up to his original piggyback position, just like he would with Shun a few years back. Abe smiled, recalling that the last team social event they had ended up as a catastrophic cringe-fest.

To keep things short, the team had gone to an amusement park on a relatively crowded day after a particularly hard few weeks of practice. Naturally, Mihashi got himself lost when Abe wasn't looking, so when they found him half an hour later crying at the service center, Coach Momoe unironically tied a balloon around his wrist to keep him from getting lost. Tajima had forced Hanai on every single ride that didn't have a wait time of over an hour so the team captain had inevitably gotten sick and threw up in the middle of a particularly large loop. The cherry on top of the experience, however, was Mizutani's impressive attempt to beat that bottle pyramid game, in which he lost his grip on his second throw, let go of the ball too soon, and accidentally beaning the man at the booth in his head and breaking his prescription glasses. Shiga and Momoe had to pay _out of pocket_ for the man to buy a new pair and on the bus ride home the leftfielder got roasted by everyone on the team and ended up having to do cleaning duties for a whole month.

A sleepover seemed harmless enough; no lost crying pitchers, no projectile vomiting while upside-down, and no potential lawsuits for injury or destruction of property. What could go wrong?

"I'm pretty sure I'll be able to come. I'll text you and let you know once I ask my parents." Abe said.

"Awesome! I live right down the street, so you can find my place pretty easy." Tajima hopped off the catcher's back and Abe turned to face him. "See you Friday night at 7! Strictly!" And with that, he ran off.

Abe didn't feel like explaining to his teammate that "right down the street" is neither a valid nor helpful set of directions, but he figured he could just ride his bike with a teammate who knew where the hell they were actually going. He sighed, and continued to pack dirt onto the pitcher's mound for his last duty of the day.

Tajima had been too busy cleaning his house to even masturbate at all that day, let alone notice the clock's display. It was 7:15 p.m. on his birthday, and nobody had showed up yet, let alone sent him a "be there soon" text. In the third baseman's mind, there was only one possible solution to this issue.

 _To: Hanai Azusa 3  
[7:15 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:15 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:16 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:16 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:16 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 **From: Hanai Azusa 3**

 **[7:16 p.m.]: SHUT UP. WE'RE ON OUR WAY. WE HAD TO STOP BY MIHASHI'S PLACE.**

 _To: Hanai Azusa 3_

 _[7:16 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:16 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:16 p.m.]: Where you at?_

 _[7:17 p.m.]: Oh ok._ _Don't bully him, jerk!_

 **From: Hanai Azusa 3**

 **[7:19 p.m.]: dON't BuLLy hIM, jERk**

As soon as Tajima got the last message and snickered, the doorbell rang and he glided over to the door, opening it to see Sakaeguchi and Abe standing there, both with neatly wrapped boxes decorated with some cheap-looking ribbon.

"Howdy! Come on in, guys!" Tajima stepped to the side as the two co-captains bowed, said their greetings, took off their shoes, and came into the house. "My mom said she ordered a ton of takeout for us, and it should be here in an hour or so. What'd you guys get me?" He snatched a medium-sized box from Abe's grip and began shaking it next to his ear.

"That's really not polite, y'know," Sakaeguchi sighed as he set his present down on a table near the door. There was a laugh in his voice, so he wasn't exasperated by any means. "Happy Birthday, Tajima!"

"Yeah, Happy Birthday, man." Abe added with a genuine smile, a rare sight the cleanup rarely ever saw. "Even though you're more obnoxious than usual today."

Tajima snorted, but was still grinning. "Yeah, and you're less of a grumpy butt-munch today, too!"

Sakaeguchi stared at the third baseman in disbelief. Nobody ever dared talk to Abe like that! Was he out of his tiny fucking mind? To his astonishment, Abe didn't really seem to care at all, as he just laughed it off and smacked Tajima on the arm.

"Damn, you got me. Guilty as charged!" The catcher joked. He shut the front door behind them and they made their way into the living room so as to not let in a draft. It was mid-October, and even though the afternoons could get a little warm, the mornings and evenings got a little bit more than uncomfortably chilly. Sakaeguchi dove into one of the three couches angled in toward a large flat-screen television set, and rested his feet along the length of the cushions. Abe took one of the cushy armchairs closer to the kitchen.

"You weren't kidding when you said you lived right down the street from the baseball field," the catcher said as he leaned back into the chair. "When you said, 'down the street,' I had no idea you literally meant _right down the street._ It can sometimes be a pain just to get back to my place after practices, you have it easy!"

"Yup!" Tajima exclaimed. "It's super convenient for me because I can sleep a bit longer every morning before going to practice. I loooove sleeping in!" _Almost as much as I love Hanai, what I wouldn't give to sleep in late with him!_ The cleanup hitter wanted to add but managed to stop himself.

"I thought you liked it because you can be close to your family if something happens?" Sakaeguchi asked.

Tajima stopped his mini episodic fantasy about sleeping in late with the team captain and turned to his brown-haired friend. "Oh, sure! I mean, I already told you guys on the first day but it's the whole reason I enrolled at Nishiura. After that scare with my great-grandpa, I don't want to ever be left in the dark again."

Sakaeguchi gently smiled and nodded. "Well, I'm grateful for your large family, otherwise you would probably be at some big name private school batting cleanup for their team instead of us!"

Tajima shrugged. "Well, I might be the best hitter in the country," the other two boys laughed when he said this, half out of irony and half out of exasperation, "but I still haven't grown a lot and big schools want big guys who can hit homers. I mean, I have no armpit hair yet and I don't even have hair around my assh-"

The doorbell buzzed, and the two co-captains were relieved they didn't have to hear Tajima finish the rest of his gross thought. Hanai, Mihashi, and Izumi came into the living room and all found seats on the couches or chairs. Abe was a little surprised when Mihashi came to sit by him on the couch next to his chair.

"H-Hey Abe, b-before you ask, I weigh 54 kilograms today…just thought you might like t-to know." Mihashi and Abe had been working on their communication, and the pitcher's stuttering and hesitance around Abe had nearly vanished. It usually took a few minutes each time they spoke to each other before Mihashi could speak normally – or at least as normal as someone like Mihashi _can_ speak – but he could always keep a regular conversation with all the team members by the end of each practice.

The catcher smiled. "Nice, what'd you have for lunch today?" As the Nishiura battery went on to talk extensively about what Mihashi had been eating for the past week, Tajima looked on in amusement. Food was delicious and all, but Abe still somehow managed to turn it into a lecture; not that Mihashi _minded_ or anything. They both looked a little bit _too_ interested in the topic for it to actually be about food, and Tajima was certain they just liked to look at each other and were using this bullshit conversation as an excuse to do so.

The cleanup hitter moseyed over the others, who were clearly just as amused as he was about the whole battery ordeal. "Hey guys," Tajima said with a toothy smile, nodding his head to Izumi and Hanai. "Glad you made it!"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, dude." Izumi said as he took a drink from the sports beverage he brought in with him. "Hope we weren't too late."

"Oh yeah Tajima, about that," Hanai put in, "does your mom put battery acid in your bento everyday? I turned off my phone after I texted you so it would stop blowing up." Sakaeguchi laughed at the captain's joke. "You laugh now, Sakaeguchi, but he spam texted me eight messages in a row. _Eight. Messages._ " Hani pulled out his phone and turned it on to show the second baseman what he was talking about. "You think that's enough, you dick?"

Tajima smirked. He absolutely loved to push the team captain's buttons, but even more so took his frustration as a moment to admire his looks. He was so _hot_ when he was being all authoritative and shit; the cleanup batter really couldn't help himself. "Oh that reminds me!" He exclaimed. "I forgot to text you that Abe and Sakaeguchi got here about ten minutes ago!" He immediately whipped out his phone and pretended he was about to spam Hanai's phone again, and much to his delight, the captain jumped on him and tackled the third baseman to the ground, where they wrested for his phone.

"Unbelievable," Izumi sighed, "it's like you're actually trying to take away his phone in his own house."

"You've lost your phone privileges, young man!" Sakaeguchi exclaimed before he and the center fielder started laughing.

"Oh geez, what's happening?" Mizutani asked as he and Suyama walked into the den.

"Lover's quarrel?" Suyama suggested.

"Something like that, so I'd advise keeping your distance." Sakaeguchi warned.

Tajima finally tucked his phone into the center of his body before rolling away from Hanai, kicking the captain in the process, causing him to grunt in pain. They both stood up and straightened themselves out. "Mizutani! Suyama! Great to see you guys here!" The cleanup laughed, going in for uncomfortably tight hugs with both of his teammates.

"No homo," the strawberry-blonde chuckled.

"All the homo!" Tajima laughed in response.

"Is _nobody_ going to ask _how_ these two got in?" Izumi inquired.

"I think the better question to ask would be, 'why are you guys leaving the front door wide open?'" Suyama answered. "Literally, apparently _nobody_ thought it was a good idea to close the door behind them."

"It was probably this dickhead's fault," Tajima said, elbowing Hanai in the gut. "He's the captain, after all, so he should be the one to remember these things."

Hanai smacked Tajima in the back of the head in retaliation. "Hey genius, _you're_ the host at _your own house._ _Dickhead."_ Hanai scolded, making sure to emphasize the insult at the end.

"True, but I'm the _birthday_ dickhead, so whatever I say goes!" The cleanup hitter said, a little bit too proudly.

Hanai sighed and turned away from his rival's grinning face, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. He hated the fact that he always let Tajima get away with things that would suggest his IQ score is in the double-digits, all because he found his smile too damn cute. He hastily walked over to close the front door before returning to the den.

Nishihiro and Oki showed up about half an hour later, profusely apologizing for their tardiness. Apparently some girl had tried to commit suicide at the train station they were waiting at so the whole system had to be stopped so the authorities could come in and take over. Of course, the two boys hadn't seen the whole situation go down, but when they arrived at the station it was just one hot mess.

"Dude, you could have just said the trains were running late. Why was the rest of that explanation necessary?" Abe asked, eyes shut tight and pinching the bridge of his nose in confusion. "What if Mihashi heard that?"

"For once I think I'm with Abe, that was pretty depressing to hear." Izumi put in.

"S-sorry guys, we just thought it was something kind of important, that's all." Oki explained, clearly embarrassed that he brought up something so un-festive, given the occasion.

"What's kind of important?" Mihashi questioned as he walked into the den. He was wiping his wet hands on his shorts, so Oki figured he just came from washing his hands in the bathroom.

"Oh, just something that happened at the train station. The whole place was backed up because-" The first baseman stopped himself when he realized that Abe was glaring daggers at him, and Oki felt as if that look would slit his throat open if he finished what he was saying. "Um, never mind." He chuckled as he quickly excused himself to the kitchen.

Mihashi raised an eyebrow as he watched his reserve pitcher scurry down the hallway. "What was that about?"

"Sorry, we were just late because the trains had to go through some repairs, but we're here now." Nishihiro explained. "Nothing big." The reserve player glanced at Abe for his approval, and to his relief the catcher just gave a brisk nod, as if to say "nice save."

The last thing Abe wanted was for Mihashi to hear about someone trying to commit suicide, which if he were being honest, is probably something the pitcher felt more often than not while he suffered through three years playing at Mihoshi Academy. Everyone – _especially_ Abe – had worked so hard to get their ace to obtain somewhat normal conversational ability, and _nobody_ wanted to go back to playing with s-s-st-stuttering M-Mihashi.

Before the pitcher could think about it any longer, Tajima saved the day when he called everyone into his enormous backyard that might as well have been a second baseball field. To be blunt, the Tajima backyard was fucking big, and was also fucking beautiful. The areas that weren't reserved for just open grassy space were covered with well-trimmed bushes, vibrant flower beds filled with seasonal blooms, and there was even a trickling stream toward the back of the yard that made its way into a large, crystal-clear pond decorated with lotus plants and lily pads.

There were some funky-looking baseball bats (which looked way too thin) lined up by a practice net with what seemed to be a crudely built strike zone made out of PVC pipe and sheet metal next to it. There was a floppy rubber home plate in front of the PVC monstrosity, along with some bases made of the same material placed strategically around the yard. To top it all off, a bucket of wiffleballs sat in the middle of the makeshift baseball diamond, and all of them appeared to have some scuff marks, none of them accidental.

"You losers ready to play ball?" Tajima shouted as his teammates filed out of the house and onto the field. He bounded over to the bucket and tossed a ball to Mihashi.

"Wiffleball?" he asked, studying the shape and design of the object in his hand.

Izumi strode over to the bucket and also picked one of the balls to examine it. "Is this how you practice at home?"

Tajima turned to his classmate. "Yup! When I first started middle school I read that Ichiro Suzuki used to practice hitting wiffleballs with a shovel, so I wanted to try it too. My brothers would always throw insane breaking balls which were always fun to try to hit!"

"They're just wiffleballs, though." Mizutani commented. "How hard can it be?"

An evil glint crossed the cleanup's face as he snatched the ball Izumi was holding and he stood on the pathetic excuse for a pitching mound. He took a moment to study the ball before selecting a grip, before he settled in to face the strike zone about fifteen meters away. In an instant, Tajima stepped forward and snapped his arm as hard as he could in front of him before letting the ball whizz through the air. At first, it looked like he blatantly missed the target by about four meters to the right, and his teammates almost wanted to laugh. But before their very eyes, the plastic ball curved rapidly back toward the PVC strike zone before hitting it dead center with a satisfying _clang._

The freckled boy turned to face his teammate again, this time with a smug grin. "Can you hit that, Mizutani?"

"That was the nastiest slider I've ever seen," Oki commented. "How did you do that?"

"It was amazing!" Mihashi exclaimed with shining eyes, causing his teammates to look at him in surprise. If anything, that whole demonstration seemed like it would have made the pitcher feel inferior, but in the end it only seemed natural that he would be amazed; they were best friends after all, and Tajima was always impressing the pitcher in everything they did. "Show me!"

"You hit those kinds of pitches with a _shovel?_ " Hanai asked in disbelief. Come to think of it, this all made perfect sense; the fact that Tajima could hit pitches like these on a daily basis must make hitting actual hardball pitches seem like a piece of cake. The captain felt a little less sorry for himself as he thought back to the hits the freckled boy got off of Kanou's forkball and Takase's sinker.

"Well, no," the smaller boy answered. "My parents wouldn't let me use the shovels, so I had to just make do with the regular wiffle bat. I still can't figure out why."

"I can think of a couple reasons," Nishihiro whispered to Abe, and they both snickered.

After a brief introduction to the rules of wiffleball as well as Tajima's insightful mini-lesson on how to perform various wiffleball pitches, the boys were ready to have a 5v5 scrimmage game. The teams were split so Hanai, Sakaeguchi, Mizutani, Oki, and Mihashi batted first against Abe, Tajima, Suyama, Izumi, and Nishihiro.

"Before we play ball, let's make the game more interesting!" Tajima called from the back porch deck where they waited their turn to bat.

"If you're about to suggest that we take our clothes off every time something happens, I'm going to leave right now." Izumi bluntly said from the batter's box, practicing a swing.

"Why? You're not going commando right now like you did in that game against Sakitama, are you?" Mizuntani jeered.

The shaggy haired boy turned a deep crimson in embarrassment. "Piss off you ginger fuck! At least I know how to throw a baseball without beaning innocent people in their skulls!"

"That happened _one time!_ "

"Shut up, dipshits!" Hanai yelled, a slight laugh in his voice. "Tajima, what did you have in mind? Although I can't say I'm very fond of the whole stripping thing." _Even though I'd love to see more of your open nudity._ He wanted to say that last bit, which honestly took the captain by surprise. Since when had he been so assertive about his feelings for the cleanup in his thoughts?

"As fun as that would be, I wouldn't want you guys to feel inadequate when you all see my _monster_!" His teammates rolled their eyes. They had all seen each other naked in the showers after practice, so it wasn't like they hadn't seen Tajima's junk before; in fact, one day he had _made sure_ that everyone in the showers saw it. He wasn't sporting porn star junk, but he wasn't small by any means. Proportionally, to Tajima at least, he more or less did have a "monster." Tajima shook his head. "No, no, I was going to suggest if you get a hit but you don't make it to first base, then you have to answer a truth, and if you strike out you have to do a dare."

Everyone shared looks of both apprehension and approval. Sure, the thought of striking out and having to do a dare Tajima tells you to was fucking terrifying, but the whole overall experience sounded like a lot of fun.

"It sounds like a good idea, but I dunno…" Mizutani started to say before the catcher interrupted him.

"Oh, shut up Mizutani and just roll with it! If anything, use this as an incentive to raise your shitty batting average!" He snapped. Izumi just laughed while the others shared looks of amused shock.

"Damn, bring a gun to a knife fight why don't you." Suyama laughed.

It was this point in the conversation where Nishihiro chimed in to defuse the tension. "Well, at least he isn't me, Abe!" He pointed out. The team got a hearty laugh out of this, glad that the reserve player could now look back on what was his lowest moment with a sense of humor. Sure, he didn't come close to getting a single hit, and after almost a year of hard work and practicing following the Bijou-Sayama game, Nishihiro actually got to start in a few official games when Mihashi would be resting.

"You losers ready to play?" Hanai called as he took his spot in right-center field. Mizutani filled in left-center, while Oki and Mizutani took their positions in the second base and shortstop areas, respectively. Mihashi stood on the mound, eager to face Izumi, who was leading off.

"I'm ready when you're ready!" The shaggy-haired boy called. "Come on, Mihashi, do your worst!"

The pitcher laughed lightly before taking his stance. He wound up, stepped as far forward as he could, and slung his arm as fast as possible before releasing the ball from his fingertips.


End file.
